Halloween-o-rama: Dracula (1931)

Vampires on film have been getting a short shrift lately, and though there is one culprit that shall remain nameless, it's almost become more of a wider cultural phenomenon- Buffy the Vampire Slayer and True Blood take the camp inherent in this type of humanoid monster and give it a sexy treatment (not all bad, but not good for image); the Blade trilogy does it less sexy (alright, Ryan Reynolds aside, ladies) but just as slick and tongue-in-cheek; and Underworld puts them in a guns-and-leather war against werewolves. Since the 70s they've been turned into comedies, romances- heck, every genre has more vampire films than does horror. The classic convention of vampires is all but gone now, and we've moved into a post-modern kind of storytelling. People are still doing creative things with the classic vampire tale (the 2008 Swedish film Let the Right One In is a fantastic movie they sort of unnecessarily remade for the US market, both films getting the "all hyped up and then we're over it" treatment by the public), but it's far from where Bram Stoker began. 

But why dwell on the problems of the present when we have such a rich past. The 1931 Dracula isn't even where classic vampire cinema begins; Murnau's landmark film Nosferatu predates it by 9 years, itself a take on Bram Stoker's tale (made without getting the rights). But Dracula is the definitive film, and it's hard not to associate the character of Count Dracula, the subject of more films than any other fictional character, with Bela Lugosi. His thick Romanian accent not only sounds authentic, it basically is the real deal- Transylvania, the home of Count Dracula, is a region in central Romania.

And if you want to get into Halloween mode, the film is almost a perfect mood-setter. The looming, Gothic castles, the constant state of fog and nighttime, the big, fake, rubber bat- it's all very spooky. I don't think it will scare modern audiences, but it's a great movie, and definitely deserves its place among the classic horror pantheon.

Bela Lugosi is obviously the main attraction, but I want to single out Dwight Frye (who also plays Fritz in Frankenstein, obviously 1931 being a busy year for him). His role as Dracula lackey Reinfield is so over-the-top, so creepy, so wonderfully strange, it's masterful. Bela Lugosi was great, no doubt, but there's less of the role than I think people give credit for- he gives his glare, does his accent thing, and leans in for a bite. Frye is just all over the acting map, and I think he was the actor who gave this film the extra boost it needed.

Also, he eats bugs and rats.

Dracula is great, it's a landmark film, and it's a must watch. End of story.

Tomorrow: TBD

Halloween-o-rama: Treehouse of Horror mini-marathon

Every year, usually around November, The Simpsons indulges its writers and their penchant for dorkiness and goes off the rails with a Halloween-themed anthology episode, a 'Treehouse of Horror' (I know you know all this, but pretend you don't for the sake of introduction).

And these segments are usually hilarious. I love them so much that right now they are the only episodes I still look forward to watching, despite them being unable to avoid the decline in quality that affects all new Simpsons episodes.

Because I love them so, and it's that time of year, I watched four classic episodes: 'Treehouse of Horror' numbers III-VI. In rewatching them for the umpteenth time, I think what makes them so funny is the writer's sinister adjustment of their characters' general...well, character. It's not just The Simpsons finding themselves in a horror movie setting; their personalities subtly adjust with the story to make it genuinely-if-only-slightly creepy. They approach the terror and weird goings-on with such an emotional detachment that it adds a tinge of real horror. Take this exchange between Marge and Bart and Lisa in 'Nightmare Cafeteria', segment 3 of 'Treehouse of Horror V':

     Lisa: Mom!  Mom!  You've gotta help: they're cooking kids in the
           school cafeteria!
    Marge: Listen, kids: you're eight and ten years old now.  I can't be
           fighting all your battles for you.
     Bart: But Mom --
    Marge: No buts!  You march right back to that school, look them
           straight in the eye, and say "Don't eat me"!
Bart+Lisa: [disappointed] OK.

Marge's lack of empathy sucks the obvious solution out of the episode, duh, because she's usually a loving, doting, overprotective mother. But here she also lacks any faculty to see a problem, and when as a kid you can't trust any adults around you, that's kind of scary. The kids are doomed because the adults have lost their ability to reason - not just the teachers who are eating them, but the ones who are supposed to protect them. And this is usually the case with many of the characters in all the 'Treehouse' episodes, where even someone as reckless as Homer loses his already diminished ability to think critically as an adult. It's in the details, as this throwaway line in 'Dial Z for Zombies', segment three from 'Treehouse of Horror III,' shows:

Bart: Dad, you killed zombie Flanders!

Homer: He was a zombie?

But it's not just the murder, the zombies, or the hidden dimensions that appear out of nowhere and are never explained that make these seasonal episodes different. A classic 'Treehouse' segment is a carefully manicured bit of nonsense, sending up not just horror movie tropes but social reactions to onscreen violence, pop culture rules, and even the characters themselves.

My marathon ran a pretty long gamut, from episodes devoted to clever meta-jokes on The Simpsons universe ('Homer³') to actual, pretty horrifying depictions of cartoon violence ('Nightmare Cafeteria' is soaked in blood, and in every segment of 'Treehouse of Horror V' Groundskeeper Willy gets an axe to the back). But looking back on them, I don't think there's even one 'Treehouse' episode that came out in the Nineties that I don't find clever and hilarious through and through. It's comfort food in a way that a hard-earned pillowcase of candy was for me as a kid: a super fun indulgence filled with everything you love, enjoyed in a weird costume just for Halloween.

I'm of the opinion that 'Treehouse of Horror IV' is one of the best episodes of The Simpsons in general, so that's something. But if I was to rank my top 10 segments, including those I didn't watch for this mini-marathon, this would be it:

1. Time and Punishment ('Treehouse of Horror V')
2. Citizen Kang (VII)
3. The Devil and Homer Simpson (IV)
4. The Raven (I)
5. Lisa's Nightmare (the Monkey Paw segment, II)
6. Nightmare on Evergreen Terrace (VI)
7. The Shinning (V)
8. The Homega Man (VIII)
9. Homer³ (VI)
10. The Thing and I (VII)

Honorable mentions go to "Life's a Glitch, Then You Die" (X), "Bart Simpson's Dracula" (IV), and "Hungry are the Damned" (I).

Halloween-o-rama

This is my favourite time of year. Not just because of the colours, or the leaves falling, or the brisk temperatures, or the pumpkin pie (though those are all good things too). I like it best because it seems that hiding behind every tree, there's some ghastly, weird, poor-conceived ghost or ghoul waiting to jump out at you and... do nothing, really. Just make you jump and run away and reassure your mind that these things do, in fact, exist, and all those horror movies and Halloween specials you've devoured over the years (however cheap the monsters looked) were telling some version of the truth.

Even though I know that this isn't much of an explicitly demon-haunted world (thanks, science), I like to believe that UFO's are really piloted by some mysterious visitor from outer space, that the forests of the Pacific Northwest are haunted by an ancient apeman, that mysterious creatures do stalk everywhere, from the forests and meadows around my house to the deepest parts of the sea. Not that I actually believe all that, but it just makes this crazy planet so much more interesting. I choose to believe it, because that's just the way I am.

I'm not going to lie, horror is a major blind spot in my pop culture knowledge. But what I enjoy are not so much straight-up horror as spookier, subtly scary movies. My favourite 'horror' movie is Rosemary's Baby, precisely because it takes a toned down approach and maintains a subdued feeling of dread throughout.

Thus, I won't be watching/reading solely horror in October- there will be a lot of gothic, a lot of spooky, a lot of UFO's, and a lot of movies where you never see the monster, not just the slasher/bloodfests that are pretty standard for Halloween. Though I will end up watching some horror I've never seen, and that includes...Halloween.

If I'm starting near the beginning, I might as well start with a movie about history's greatest monster: no, not Jimmy Carter, THE DEVIL. The Devil and Daniel Webster pits the greatest orator of the pre-Civil War era, Daniel Webster, in a courtroom against the Devil, for the soul of one Jabez Stone.

Yet in this movie, the Devil, or Mr. Scratch, as he is known in the movie (they dubbed the anthropomorphic Devil 'Old Scratch' in the Faustian tales of New England, tales influenced by German settlers to the New World), is hardly scary at all, at least from the watcher's point of view (though I wouldn't want to meet him on some dirt road in the middle of the night). The Mr Scratch of The Devil and Daniel Webster hardly seems like the Biblical Satan, more like a mischievous imp whose sole purpose is to make deals with local farmers for their souls. And it's not like Jabez Stone was Job- he was angry, reluctant to go to church, and continually consarn'd it around his wife and mother- he was hardly a model soul.  

The Devil really let himself go

But that makes sense, I suppose: legends like the one this story is based on (the movie is based on a short story of the same name, written in 1931, which is in turn based on a story by Washington Irving written in the real time of Daniel Webster) put really small regions in the center of the universe, so it makes sense that the Devil would have the time to walk around the New Hampshire countryside, waiting for some poor sap to make the decision to sell his soul for riches and a hot Devil-mistress. And [spoilers!] Daniel Webster wins it in the end, another triumph of American ideals over the forces of evil.

The movie was great, I must say- in the It's a Wonderful Life vein, but with much less sap. And their are many creepy scenes, including a ghoulish courtroom scene full of America's greatest villains straight from the bowels of hell.

In New England, circa one of their Great Awakenings, it's understandable that the Devil was the scariest of all monsters, made all the scarier if you thought you could encounter him on some forest path or in the back of your barn. This story would be something you'd tell your kids to scare them straight, and the movie's strength lies in its capturing the feel of the time period. The setting was a time when unexplained phenomena could be explained convincingly with the epitome of evil. In the book Oddities: A Book of Unexplained Facts, author Rupert T. Gould recalls an incident in England, 1855, around the same time of The Devil and Daniel Webster, where a long series of hoof-marks were noticed criss-crossing the countryside in freshly laid snow. In a newspaper article, "Richard Owen" recounts:

The superstitious go so far as to believe that they are the marks of Satan himself; and that great excitement has been produced among all classes may be judged from the fact that the subject has been decanted from the pulpit.

These days, even the most religious attribute Satan to far subtler activities, and you'll be hard-pressed to find anyone who thinks the Devil or his demons will take the form of a human to outright trick you out of your soul. But this was the belief of the times- not only among popular, back country folklore, but among the preachers and teachers, the ones who held the most believable opinions. And that, I guess, makes The Devil and Daniel Webster an account of some of the oldest American horror there is. A good start.

If we want true devilry, The Simpsons might make a more convincing portrait of Satan in The Devil and Homer Simpson, segment one of Treehouse of Horror IV- coming tomorrow, when I watch a bunch of Treehouse of Horror episodes and tell you how I feel about them.

Cider...house...rules

Girl drinks are delicious. Any male that says otherwise and doesn't immediately rationalize this with the excuse that they are too sweet is a liar (and even with the excuse, he probably still is a liar). They taste good because they taste like candy, which also is good. I know, I'm speaking like an eight-year-old, but it's a simple truth. And eight-year-olds should not have an opinion on whether or not a certain type of alcoholic beverage is delicious. I don't drink them, however, because I'm not entirely comfortable with myself even with beer in my hand, so why draw more attention? Also, so. Much. Sugar.

But I will drink cider, which looks like beer and tastes a bit juicy (juiciness varies by brand). I used to get a little crap ordering it, though I think more men are coming around. But a lot still laugh at the prospect of getting anything but a domestic at their local bar. Or, if they want to impress, an import or craft beer. But nothing that was, at one time, apple juice.

It's just that... I like cider more. Much more. End of discussion. In fact, I'm drinking it right now. Alexander Keith's "Original Cider", from a bottle (most alcoholic beverages taste much, much better coming from a bottle as opposed to a can. And ten times better off tap). And sometimes, cider can be manlier then beer. Strongbow is named after the 2nd Earl of Pembroke, Richard "Strongbow" de Clare, who laid the smack down on the Irish using his Welsh archers in the 12th century (making the drink kind of inappropriate for St. Patrick's Day, even though cider is quite popular in Ireland. They have their own delicious type in the form of Magners, so all's fair).

Though if manliness was based solely on your name, I'd immediately change mine to Max Power and call it a day.

Moonrise Kingdom and the rest of Wes Anderson

Not too long ago, right before not seeing Radiohead live and in concert, we saw the elusive (in Ontario, at least) Moonrise Kingdom in an Etobicoke Cineplex. Apparently seeing it on a beautiful Saturday afternoon was not a major priority for many people in Toronto, as only half the seats in the tiny, tiny theater were taken- and that's being generous. But we went out of our way to make sure we were there.

I've been a major Wes Anderson fanboy ever since I saw The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou back in high school. The movie, though not his best by mine or any critic's standards, still blew me away with the dry hilarity, silly stop-motion sea creatures, and Bill Murray. It was amazing- I hadn't seen anything like it before, and I rented the movie only because of the name and a small snippet I saw accompanying a Willem Dafoe interview on Live with Regis and Kelly one day when I was home sick.

Since then I've watched and re-watched all of his films and loved them all to pieces. I've been thinking lately of where I'd put Moonrise Kingdom (though I have not re-watched it) on my own ranking of Anderson's oeuvre, and how my list compares to other lists. And I have come to the conclusion that all critics and movie watchers are wrong everywhere.

Here's how they stack up on IMDB's fan-based ratings:

1. Moonrise Kingdom: 8.3/10 (making it #193 of the site's all-time top 250)
2. Fantastic Mr Fox: 7.8/10
3. Rushmore: 7.7/10
4. The Royal Tenenbaums: 7.6/10
5. The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou: 7.2/10
6. Bottle Rocket: 7.1/10
7. The Darjeeling Limited (+ Hotel Chevalier): 7.1/10

And on Rotten Tomatoes: 

1. Moonrise Kingdom: 94% (of critics gave it a positive review); 8.1/10 (average critic rating)
2. Fantastic Mr Fox: 93%; 7.9/10
3. Rushmore: 87%; 7.8/10
4. The Royal Tenenbaums: 80%; 7.2/10
5. Bottle Rocket: 80%; 6.6/10
6. The Darjeeling Limited (Hotel Chevalier had no rating): 67%; 6.5/10
7. The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou: 53% (his only rotten rating); 6/10

Now I'm not saying that they're wrong in their opinions, but they are wrong in their opinions. While I love Moonrise Kingdom and Fantastic Mr Fox, I wouldn't call them the best movies he's made. And The Royal Tenenbaums being at number 4 on both lists completely threw me off, as I have been under the impression that it is one of, if not the best film of the last decade. Surprisingly (because it is surprising how people have a differing opinion from my own) many critics do not agree.

But to each his/her own. As for my own list:

1. The Royal Tenenbaums
2. Rushmore
3. The Darjeeling Limited + Hotel Chevalier
4. Bottle Rocket
5. Moonrise Kingdom
6. The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou
7. Fantastic Mr Fox

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to slow motion walk to the Kinks (I'm also sorry I couldn't write this post in Futura).